Letters can help with the feelings of grief. Just ask Kafka.
One of the most important things anyone can do during a period of grief is to write a letter. You don’t need to post it – just simply write your feelings down on paper. There has been a resurgence in letter writing as we all know. It has such a comforting place in our hearts. We all love receiving a personal letter. This is nothing new and has been happening through the Ages. Take the wonderful story of KAFKA
Although Franz Kafka did not make “old bones” he wrote some amazing books and influenced a lot of people. Born in 1883 he travelled extensively between Germany, Austria, Hungary and the Czech Republic. Even though he did die young, at age 40, he was one of the more influential figures in literature. He had an amazing imagination and fused this with reality to make the stories more credible and certainly, very readable.
Fact or Fiction
There is a popular short story being read at the moment about a young girl who fell into conversation with Kafka in a park in Berlin. In fact she was crying when he walked past her and he was so upset by this he turned around and went back to speak to her. He asked what was wrong with her and she told him that she had mis-placed her doll and could not find her at all.
Kafka was a sensitive soul and did not like her to be upset so he told her that he had seen the doll and knew she was fine. The little girl was not one to be easily put off by this and so demanded he tell her how he knew this.
Kafka had to think quickly and said that he had already received a letter from the doll telling him that she had decided to go on her travels and that she would be ok and would occasionally write and confirm this to him.
The little girl would not be consoled, and so Kafka said he would return the next day with the letter and read it to her. So, the next day he returned and sat in the park waiting for the little girl. He indeed had a letter with him. He read the letter to the girl who seemed satisfied at last.
“Please do not worry about me. I am fine. I am happy. I am going off to seek some adventures. I will return one day and find you again”
Time is a great healer – it changes our perception
During a period of time, Kafka continued to meet the little girl in the park and continued to write stories purporting to be from her doll. The girl was very happy. One day Kafka decided that he had written enough letters and it was time to stop. He was not sure how to do this but he went to the Toy Shop and bought another doll.
On meeting the girl in the park, he said to her that he had some good news “Your doll has returned from her travels” and he showed her the new doll. The girl looked at the doll and was quiet. Eventually she said, “this is not my doll!”
However, Kafka was anticipating this and told her that as with everything in life when we leave a place and return, we are never the same. We change. We evolve and so we are different, in mind and body. So attached to the doll was a note, again purporting to be from the doll. It said, very simply “Please do not worry and be surprised about my appearance. I am the same person but my life travels and adventures have changed my appearance. I am still the same person inside”.
The young girl was satisfied.
The girl went home with the new doll and kept her safely. She grew up and both her life and her thinking changed. As it does for all of us. Some years later, she found the doll again and found (so the story goes) yet another note. This time it said…, “Everything you love, you will eventually lose, but in the end, love will return in a different form.”
Love and Grief are important bedfellows
And this is true. It has been said, many times, that it is better to have “loved and lost than never to have loved at all!” This is a wonderful statement but it makes you think that once you have loved someone and it is finished, you will never love again. That is definitely not true. You will find love but in a different guise. Writing about the loss of a loved one helps you focus on the importance of their relationship with you. What it meant. How they helped you. Of course its very sad but admitting that the love has run its course is very important.
If you cant write a letter – then just write yourself a note
Writing this down and explaining it, mainly to yourself really does work wonders. Sometimes people write a letter to the person they have lost but never send it. They simply find solace in the writing down of their thoughts. Allowing others to know you have lost someone important to you and allowing them the honour of writing their thoughts about that special person to you. Allowing those people to tell you their feelings and in turn it will help you see things differently. Connecting with other people who have also lost someone they love. In short, writing letters about your loss and reading letters from people who have also lost will be the first step on the road to honouring your lost love but in the meantime holding hope out that you will find another one, equally important.
Writing this down and explaining it, mainly to yourself really does work wonders. Sometimes people write a letter to the person they have lost but never send it. They simply find solace in the writing down of their thoughts. Allowing others to know you have lost someone important to you and allowing them the honour of writing their thoughts about that special person to you. Allowing those people to tell you their feelings and in turn it will help you see things differently. Connecting with other people who have also lost someone they love. In short, writing letters about your loss and reading letters from people who have also lost will be the first step on the road to honouring your lost love but in the meantime holding hope out that you will find another one, equally important.
To an Athlete Dying Young – AE Houseman.
If you feel you would like to write letters or indeed receive one, then join our Pen Pal Club – hit the link and sign up now.
